3 Keys to Being a Great Girl Dad

Madeline Anderson on how to build strong father-daughter relationships: the story behind “Girl Dad”.

Madeline Anderson, Author and Founder of The Girl Dad Network discusses the four stages to the art of successful multi-generational living on Alan Olsen‘s American Dreams Show.

  

A Realization and a Mission

Growing up in Huntington Beach, California, Madeline Anderson enjoyed what she describes as an incredible relationship with her father and mother. It wasn’t until she left for college that she realized how rare her strong bond with her dad was compared to many of her peers.

 

“I really had no idea how lucky I was until I went off to college and realized how rare having a great father-daughter relationship is,” Madeline reflected. “So I made it my mission to change that.”

 

This realization inspired her to delve deeper into the dynamics of father-daughter relationships. She began interviewing a diverse group of dads and daughters, collecting stories, lessons, and advice that would eventually form the backbone of her book.

 

The Journey to “Girl Dad”

The process of writing Girl Dad was a labor of love that spanned over two years. Madeline described it as a natural and fulfilling endeavor.

 

“It felt like it was a calling. It was so natural to me to go work at a coffee shop every weekend and just write for fun,” she said. “I really do feel like people are vessels to bring ideas to life, and this is an idea that was given to me.”

 

Since the book’s publication over a year and a half ago, Madeline has engaged in numerous speaking engagements and launched the Girl Dad Network, a platform aimed at furthering her mission of strengthening father-daughter relationships.

 

Bridging the Gap for Busy Dads

One of the key challenges Madeline addresses is how busy fathers can cultivate meaningful relationships with their daughters despite demanding schedules.

She introduced the Framework, which centers on three core principles: communication, expectations, and inclusion.

 

1. Communication:

Madeline emphasizes the importance of how fathers talk about their work. Daughters often perceive work as something that takes their dad away from them. If fathers communicate negatively about their jobs, it can create confusion and a sense of misplaced priorities. “It’s important to communicate properly how you’re framing work for your daughter,” Madeline explained.

“Highlight the positives or discuss why you’re doing what you do, especially if it’s to support the family.”

 

2. Expectations:

Setting realistic expectations about availability can prevent disappointment. Madeline suggests being honest about schedules and, if possible, under-promising and over-delivering. “If you know you’re going to be home between five and six, try not to say 5 PM even if that’s what you want,” she advised. “Frame it closer to six, and if you arrive early, it’s a pleasant surprise.”

 

3. Inclusion:

Involving daughters in their fathers’ worlds can strengthen bonds without requiring extra time. “Include her in your work world or hobbies,” Madeline said. “If you like to play golf or have other activities, involve her so you don’t have to sacrifice time spent on those activities to hang out with her.”

 

Creative Connections: Lessons from Her Own Dad

Madeline shared personal anecdotes about how her father creatively fostered their relationship by including her in his interests. “He loves playing golf, and when I was a little girl, he would take me and my sisters to the course,” she recalled. “We were there because we loved the bunnies and got Shirley Temples, but it became so much more than that.”

 

These shared experiences not only provided quality time but also cultivated lasting interests. “Now, as an adult, all three of us still play golf. We love playing with my dad whenever we’re home,” she said.

 

Her father also involved them in his DIY projects around the house, teaching them practical skills and spending valuable time together.

 

Rethinking Work-Life Balance

Madeline challenges the traditional notion of work-life balance, suggesting that it’s more about setting attainable goals rather than achieving a perfect equilibrium.

 

“It’s really hard to measure the weight of what goes on each side,” she noted. “Instead, think about setting attainable goals for both work and life.”

 

Madeline recommends expanding the time horizon when setting these goals to reduce pressure and allow for flexibility. “By expanding the time horizon—looking at a month instead of a day—you can plan accordingly without feeling immediate high pressure to do everything at once,” she says.

 

The Power of Small Gestures

Through her interviews, Madeline discovered that it’s often the little things that leave the most significant impact on daughters. She shared stories of daughters who cherished handwritten notes from their fathers—simple gestures that created lasting memories.

 

“No one told me about the most expensive gift their dad got them,” she said. “It’s really all these little gestures, these little comments, these moments in which dads really show up for their daughters that matter the most.”

 

A Daughter’s Perspective

When asked about what her own father did that had the biggest impact on their relationship, Madeline highlighted his effort to include her in his world.

 

“Given that he is so busy and works all the time, one of the most important things he did was letting me into his world with work,” she shared. “It helped me because I always knew what he was up to and why he chose his career path.”

 

This inclusion not only strengthened their relationship but also inspired Madeline in her own career and life choices.

 

Madeline Anderson’s insights offer valuable guidance for fathers seeking to deepen their relationships with their daughters. Her emphasis on communication, realistic expectations, and inclusion provides a practical framework for busy dads.

 

For those interested in exploring these concepts further, Madeline’s book Girl Dad is available on Amazon and through her website, girldadthebook.com.

“I hope to see it change as many lives as possible,” Madeline said, expressing her dedication to her mission.

 

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Transcript generated by software and may contain errors.

Interview Transcript:

 

Alan Olsen

Welcome to American dreams. My guest today is Madeline Anderson, Madeline, welcome to today’s show.

 

Madeline Anderson

Thank you so much, Alan. I’m so excited to be here.

 

Alan Olsen

Well, Madeline, I’m excited to hear your life story and how you got to where you are today. So maybe for the listeners, can you share your background with us? And

 

Madeline Anderson

yeah, absolutely. So I’m originally from Huntington Beach, California. I grew up with an incredible dad and mom, and I really had no idea how lucky I was until I went off to college and I realized how rare having a great father daughter relationship is. So I made it my mission to change that, and it really started with me interviewing a wide variety of dads and daughters from all over to get their stories, lessons and advice.

And that’s really what shines throughout the book girl dad. And I published girl dad a little over a year and a half ago, and since then, I have done a lot of speaking engagements and just launched girl dad network, which I’m really excited about. And, yeah, I can’t wait to see how it continues to grow and evolve.

 

Alan Olsen

When you started on the book, you know, tell me. Tell me the process there. How many, how much time did it take for you researching, getting information together and getting the book actually to the publisher? Yeah,

 

Madeline Anderson

it took about two, a little over two years to write it. And you know, it’s one of those things where it felt like it was a calling. It was so natural to me to go work at a coffee shop every weekend and just write for fun. It really was a passion project at the beginning, and I really do feel like people are vessels to bring ideas to life, and this is an idea that was given to me, and I’m excited that it’s finally out in the world and hopefully changing lives often.

But I do really believe that it was also the beginning of something that’s much greater. And I continue to work on girl dad related activities every day, and I hope to see it change as many lives as possible.

 

Alan Olsen

So how can busy dads have great relationships with their daughters?

 

Madeline Anderson

Yeah, so I this is something that I think is a really, really common fear for fathers. I’ve heard this on a lot of interviews with dads and a lot of men that I’ve spoken with, and I think it really comes down to framing work. So I created something called the framework, framework, but it really comes down to communication expectations and inclusion. And for the communication part, it really is about how you talk about work.

So when your daughter is young, specifically, she knows that there’s this thing called work, but she doesn’t really understand what work is, and she knows it’s important to her dad, but and her dad spends a lot of time on it, and when it comes to her dad’s priority list, it tends to be up at the top and she is below it. And although this is just a story that maybe us girls tell ourselves, it is our truth until we’re told otherwise.

So the trouble really comes in when you find yourself talking negatively about work or maybe complaining about things that were going on you know that you didn’t like, or your boss, your coworkers, and then it becomes really confusing to the daughters, because here’s this thing called work that we know dad cares a lot about, but it’s higher on the priority list than an I Am, and he doesn’t seem to like it.

So that doesn’t sit well with the daughters, and it also doesn’t really teach her anything positive about finding career she loves or, you know, pursuing something that she’s passionate about.

And I say this because I think one it’s important to hear, but it’s also really simple to fix, and it comes down to communicating properly how your framing work for your daughter, and making sure that you’re highlighting positives and or, you know, talking through her with why things are maybe negative at the moment, or maybe expressing why you do what you do.

Maybe it’s all to put food on the table and to support her and the family, and those are important anecdotes for daughters to hear. But it really just starts with communication, and then as far as expectations go, if you know you’re going to be home, you know between five and six, for example, try not to say 5pm even if that’s really what you want to do.

But if you can, you know frame that you’re going to be home closer to six, and then you show up early, that’s going to be way more you. Know, positive as an experience for your daughter than if you say five and you come home an hour late, and then the last piece of this is inclusion, and really that just comes down to including your daughter in your world.

So just make sure that you communicate with her about what you’re doing with work and including her in your work world. But also, you know, if you like to play golf or if you have other hobbies that you can include her to be a part of, where you don’t have to sacrifice any time that you would have spent on these activities to hang out with her and and spend time with her instead, you can combine the two, then you’re in a winning position.

So to summarize, just make sure you communicate with her around work, set expectations so she’s not wondering when you’re going to come home or if you’re going to be reliable. And include her in your world by explaining what you do and why you do it.

 

Madeline Anderson

I’m so glad that you’re doing this. You know fathers are oftentimes busy and preoccupied in their thoughts, and sometimes the preoccupation you know needs to be moved over to the site to give room for really the more important things in life. I reflecting back on your life as you’re growing up, what are some of the creative ways that your dad built meaningful, one on one experiences with you.

 

Speaker 1

Yeah, he did a really good job of this. I’m glad you asked one thing, you know, I did mention the golf example, but he loves playing golf. And when I was a little girl, and I have two younger sisters, and they also have an amazing relationship with him, but he made a really good point of including us in activities that he would have done otherwise, such as golf.

So, you know, on the weekends, he’d be out with his friends, but he would take us with him to the course. And we were there because, you know, we love the bunnies, and we wanted to count how many we saw. Or, you know, we’d get Shirley Temples every time we went. So that was kind of our drive to go. We were so excited about the Shirley Temples, but it became so much more than that, and now, as an adult, all three of us still play golf.

We love playing with my dad, and every time we’re at home and visiting, we go play golf with him. So it’s become something that has maintained throughout the relationship and something that’s brought us closer. Another thing that he always did was, you know, one, one thing he likes to do is handiwork around the house. He’s always fixing something, but he included us in that passion as well.

So when we were young girls, he bought us little um toolkits that we’re, you know, there’s like a mini hammer and a screwdriver, and he just had us sit with him while he worked on the house, taught us how to use the tools. And then, you know, this week, actually, I’m, I’m building my own desk with him.

So it’s, again, one of those things that he included me in when I was a little girl. And now today, it’s pains of then, because we’re still doing what he loves together.

 

Madeline Anderson

So when you look at work, life balance, does it? Does it really exist towards it more about integration?

 

Alan Olsen

Yeah, you know, I think it’s, it’s a tough word, because the expectations of what that looks like, it seems like maybe we think of a teeter totter right, and on one side there’s work, and the other side there’s life. And it’s really hard to measure the weight of what goes on each side. And so you know, if you’re thinking about a minute spent on each thing, that’s really unrealistic, it’d be very uneven balance.

But I think that instead it’s it’s really about scrapping that visual and thinking about how you can set attainable goals for both work and life, and everyone’s goals will be different, but this way, if you’re achieving your goals, you can feel like you’re in that quote, unquote balance. And you know, some people might say that their goal is to have that work life separation, where, you know, you come home from work and you’re focused solely on life.

But for other people, that’s not a reality, because they work from home, and maybe they’re in business with their family. But regardless of what other people, you know find is the balance, it really comes down to you setting the goals around what’s right for you. And another thing that I was thinking about recently is, you know, expanding that timeline of when you’re setting those goals, so it can be really stressful.

If you say, Okay, today I’m going to do something with my daughter and I’m going to finish that project I have going on with work. Whereas if you expand the horizon, and you go out maybe this month, and you set goals for the month, and you think, Okay, I’m gonna take my daughter out on a coffee date and go on a walk with her, and you know, and then I’m gonna finish this project, and you have whatever goals are relevant to you.

But by expanding the time horizon, it doesn’t feel so. Um, immediate and high pressure to do everything all at once, and you can plan accordingly based on, you know, some some days are going to be really heavily work focused, and some days, maybe the Sunday is really heavily focused on your family. And again, it really just comes down to you, your situation, and and what the goals are that you want to set for yourself?

 

Alan Olsen

So, Amanda, we’ll have a lot of fathers listening to this show, and so from a daughter’s perspective, what are some of the things that fathers can do to make the biggest difference in their girls lives?

 

Madeline Anderson

I think after interviewing the daughters for the book, this is where I think a lot of the insight comes from. For this specific topic, it really shined through that it’s all the little things that matter the most. So for example, two girls I spoke with, their favorite story about their dad was actually about a handwritten note that he had left for them, and how they’ll remember it forever.

So one girl was going off to college, and her thing that she used to do with her dad growing up was they would always eat ice cream together every night. It was their ritual. And when she went off to college, her dad helped her move in, and when he left, she was feeling so sad. Was already missing him, and then that night, she went to go eat ice cream, and she found a note in the freezer that said, I wish I was here eating ice cream with you.

And she’s moved since then a few times, and she’s brought that note with her every time, and it’s still in her freezer today, which just goes to show you, you know, just a simple, small gesture can go so far. And then the second story of a handwritten note was a girl that was really struggling with anxiety before going off to college. She has always grown up around home.

Didn’t like to, you know, leave the house much, and then she got into a really good college, but it was in another state, and so she was almost contemplating not going to this college and going somewhere local, and her dad wrote her this really, really heartfelt note about how amazing she is, how she’s going to crush it, how proud he is of her.

And she ended up going to this college, and she carried that note with her every day in her backpack, and she said she still has it today. It’s a little, you know, crumpled up and everything. But again, it’s, it’s really these little gestures that show your love. And it’s, it doesn’t have to be anything, you know, crazy.

No one told me about the most expensive gift that their dad got them. I’m sure it’s, you know, girls don’t mind that, but it’s not that’s not what gets remembered. It’s really all these little gestures, these little comments, these these moments in which dads really show up for their daughters that matter the most.

 

Alan Olsen

I love all this MADELINE You got such a good spirit about you to just radiates. You know, your light. And I have a question, though, here, when you think about your dad, what did he do that had the biggest impact on your relationship? And well, you know, we’re speaking also to the dads out there that are saying, Yeah, I want to, I want to do something. I want to kickstart my relationship. You know what was the most meaningful impact to you?

 

Madeline Anderson

I think, given that he is so busy and works all the time, one of the most important things that he did was letting me into his world with work and telling me everything he’s working on, explaining the projects that he’s doing and why he’s doing them, and it helped me, because I always knew what he was up to. I knew why he chose his career path. I know what he’s passionate about, and I never looked at him working as a negative.

I actually looked at it as a strong positive and an inspiration for me to go out and find something that I’m equally as passionate about. And I think him including me in his world, including work, but also, you know, all of his other passions went hand in hand with that as well. Actually, there was, you know, usually the examples are really positive, but there is a funny one related to work.

One time he actually took me to work on a weekend, and because he had a lot of work to do, but instead of going off and sacrificing a weekend that he could be studying with me, he brought me with him, and he’s an engineer, so we went to the office, and he just had me drawing on some blueprints and kind of studying them and understanding, you know, more of what he did, but I guess I was a little mischievous.

I don’t really remember this, but I decided it would be a good idea to write on a note you’re fired, and put it on somebody’s desk. So the next, you know, the Monday after that, I got in big trouble. But. I deserved it, but so maybe, you know, include your daughter in your world. Bring her to work, but maybe watch her if she’s a little young and likes to get into some trouble, even though I was typically a good child, but I don’t know. I can’t really explain that one

 

Alan Olsen

that’s pretty funny story, though. Madeline your book, how do we how do we find it? Girl dad, yes.

 

Madeline Anderson

So it’s on Amazon. You can also go to girldadthebook.com you can also contact me there and find the book.

 

Alan Olsen

Well, I appreciate you being on the show today.

 

Madeline Anderson

Thank you so much. Alan, I really appreciated being here. You.